Jedi Girl - Personality Types

Type Humor

Asking the Myers-Briggs type
if the water is half-full or half-empty
by Unknown

ENFJ -- There's more than enough for friends to share.

ENFP -- Whooeee! Water fight!

INFP -- But look! A crystalline vessel, filled with shimmering, life-giving nectar!

INFJ -- Senator Hophnagle used the rest of it for his mud pie project.

ENTJ -- A "full" glass of water, please.

INTJ -- Yes, that glass will be the flivvium container.

ENTP -- Voila! .157 liters DI-hydrogen hydroxide, prepared by micro gnomes ...

INTP -- Well, it seems just a little more than half full--assuming that it is water...

ESTJ -- Hey! Whose job was it to fill up this glass?

ESFJ -- I can't believe someone would leave this dirty glass out here! Clean up this mess right now!

ISTJ -- It's half empty now, and it wouldn't surprise me if it dried up completely.

ISFJ -- I bet _________ would like to have some water right now ...

ESTP -- You call that a glass of water? Why, back where I come from, ...

ISTP -- So? It's water. Big deal!

ESFP -- There's a glass of water--you know, it's healthy to drink a lot of water, why, I remember when I was growing up that
we...

ISFP -- (Holds up glass to the light, tilts it from side to side, tastes it, wiggles finger in it, grins slightly, moves on.)

Alternate Glass Answers
by Cory Caplinger

ENFJ - Look in your heart. It holds the answers to all of life's mysteries. It will tell you what the glass is.

ENFP - Hey!!! I bet if we got a Bunch of these glasses we could make a waterslide! Or maybe a pool! Oh wait, we could freeze this water and make an ice sculpture! Or we could...

INFP - Can't you see how this glass represents our world? It is neither perfect nor bad, it's simply here and its value is determined by each and every one of us. We cannot survive if we don't drink the water...if we don't get along with our fellow people.

INFJ - (closes eyes, concentrates) It's half-empty. (The INFJ is referring to a glass that is 200 miles away)

ENTJ - You call this competence?!?!?!

INTJ - How can you say it's half-full? It's half-empty! I refuse to listen to your reasoning!

ENTP - Hmm...it's...(Ingeniously constructs a hacksaw from two straws and a shoelace, cuts the glass in half)...Ah...Now it's completely full!

INTP - What? (Looks up in bewilderment after being distracted from his mathematical theory book)

ESTJ - Dag nabbit! Look! This water isn't even filled up all the way! What is this world coming to? You know, maybe if people respect the law like they used to in the good old days...

ESFJ - It's half-full! But we better fill it up all the way before our guests arrive! We must give them a cordial welcome!

ISTJ - It's half-empty. Such a lazy waiter. Things could get done around here if people worked hard and took more responsibility!

ISFJ - No, I don't want this glass. I don't deserve it. (Really a ploy to make you feel guilty!)

ESTP - Water?!?! Bah! Give me Beer! HEY ZEKE! GOT ANY BUDWEISER? And bring out the darts - me and Johnny got a bet going on!

ESFP - (Not present to answer because he/she is out at a party)

ISTP - Eh. Just water. Needs to be spiked with some Jack Daniels though.

ISFP - (Adds a pinch of lemon) Salut! (Sips while listening to Mozart)

Negative Type Descriptions
by Hal Dendurent - Source

ENFJ: "Busybody"
Life's backseat drivers. They seem to know just what's wrong with everybody else's life and have a plan to fix it.

INFJ: "Messiah"
Characterized by the burning desire to change the world,
which desperately needs everyone to be NF.

ENFP: "Muckraker"
Creator of hype, distortion, and the perversion of media of information to be wallows of mindless emotionalism.

INFP: "Fanatic"
Always searching for an Answer with a capital A.
Unlike the INFJ, they are usually openminded enough to realize the current one isn't good enough after a few years.

ENTJ: "Tyrant"
Knows better than everyone how things should be done;
and works tirelessly to obtain the power
to make it happen that way.

INTJ: "Crackpot"
All facts which don't fit their theories are just wrong.
The more all-encompassing and less applicable to reality
the theories are, the better.

ENTP: "Frankenstein"
The salvation of the world is to be found in this new nanotronic frannistan, of which he just happens to have an almost-working model...

INTP: "Nerd"
What? you mean people actually talk to each other
using mouths and ears instead of keyboards????

ESTJ: "Stuffed Shirt"
No imagination, no flexibility, no common sense,
no capacity for tolerance of others with different priorities.

ISTJ: "Bean Counter"
Like the ESTJ, but with less vision.

ESFJ: "Gossip"
Like the Busybody, but characterized by the urge
to backstab instead of trying to help.

ISFJ: "Sidekick"
Doesn't need much meaning in life, just a person
(or baby or pet or car) to spend all their time ministering to.

ESTP: "Beer Drinker"
Loud, crude, plays team sports, kisses and tells.
These are the people beer commercials are made for.

ESFP: "Clown"
Always the class troublemaker, they have no respect
for anybody or anything. Good at snide wisecracks.

ISTP: "Assassin"
Hates people, and is good at killing them.
Young ISTP's are good at killing pictures of people
in video games.

ISFP: "Snob"
Revels in the elaborate sensations of wine, paintings and music that are completely indistinguishable to ordinary people. Likes flowers.

Myers-Briggs Types for Cats
by Annette Ellis - Source

ESFP: "The Hedonist"
The social cat. Inside, outside, contact-oriented.
Wallows in petting. Lies in the sun on the driveway.
Promiscuously affectionate, even with cat-haters. Meows a lot.

ESTP: "The Tomcat"
Comes back after three days with scabs on his nose and ears.
Fathered too many kittens to count.
Will enjoy you while he's there, but not loyal.
With other cats, doesn't know when to stop "playing".

ISFP: "The Snuggler"
Inside lap kitty. Has a favorite lap, a favorite windowsill,
but spreads her favors around nonetheless.
Warm and loving, but don't try to make her do anything.
Purrs a lot.

ISTP: "The Problem-Solver"
This is the cat that will figure out how to get the giblets
out of the bottom of the garbage can
without knocking anything over.
Appreciates his pleasures but not a glutton.
Stand-offish, but will put up with an occasional petting session.

ESTJ: "Bossycat"
A cat with attitude. He'll hiss at a German shepherd, and the dog will back down. Knows his territory. Catches lots of birds to show he cares, since he won't be openly affectionate.

ESFJ: "Mommycat"
Even if kittenless or male, adopts everyone, including her "owners". Will groom you until you've got a rash; will groom other cats until they snap at her and run away.

ISTJ: "Mr. Fastidious"
Won't eat unless the kitchen floor is newly waxed.
Will glare at you until you clean his litterbox.
Likes to scratch--and it's the same place over and over,
so you'd better get a scratching post right away
if you want to keep your furniture.

ISFJ: "Spoiled Cat"
Only the best will do. This is the cat in the "Sheba" ads.
Will sink into a depression if you forget to trim her claws,
or if her coat is marked.
Strategic meowing -- not for conversation,
but to get what she wants.

ENTP: "The Great White Hunter"
King of imaginary bug-chasing.
He talks a lot--maybe to you,
maybe to something only he can see.
Likes to be petted, but only for short periods of time;
he's off as soon as the next synapse fires in his brain.

ENTJ: "The Little General"
Assumes control of the family and house.
He'll kick you out of his chair and demand half the bed.
Doesn't purr, but glares while being petted
as if you're only doing your duty.
Yowls rather than meows.

INTP: "The Flake"
Will play with toys, but bored quickly.
If you give in, you'll quickly have a closet full of cat toys
he won't touch any more.
He'll sit, apparently doing nothing, and then be off on a tear. When walking across a room,
will suddenly sit down and start grooming himself.

INTJ: "The Limit-Setter"
If you have to be around, fine, but he'd prefer that you just showed up once a week to drop off a case of canned food.
If you stay home sick, he'll glare at you,
since after all it's his scheduled day
to have the house to himself.

ENFP: "The Happy Slob"
Playful cat that will leave food smeared all over the kitchen floor and track litter granules onto the carpet.
Favorite game is peek-a-boo.
Likes to be petted, but won't sit still for long.

ENFJ: "The Ringleader"
Will organize the other cats into games.
When you get home to find the dining room chandelier swinging back and forth, and all the cats
are sitting in the living room looking innocent,
it was this cat's idea.

INFP: "The Little Angel"
Will look at you sweetly two seconds after she's shredded the new curtains. Can't resist the kitchen counter.
Likes some lap time, but only on her terms.

INFJ: "Skitty Kitty"
Wants to be affectionate, but never quite overcomes nervousness. "Intrepid" is NOT her middle name.
Likes to watch the proceedings from a safe spot,
such as the top of the staircase.

Myers-Briggs Epitaphs
by Doug Bates - Source

ESTJ - Be back next year with flowers!
ISTJ - Forever on time
ESFJ - Arranged my own funeral
ISFJ - Wish I could still help
ESTP - Well, *this* is boring
ISTP - Build a better coffin
ESFP - Where did everybody go?
ISFP - Smell a flower for me
ENTJ - Whoever did this, I'll get you one day
INTJ - *Now* try telling me what to do!
ENTP - Death is being out of options
INTP - Talk about "analysis paralysis"
ENFJ - Another opportunity for learning
INFJ - The ultimate clarity
ENFP - Catch you on the flip side
INFP - Eternal harmony

Illusions of the Unhealthy XXX
by Doug Bates - Source

ESTP - "I'm a stud and the world revolves around me"

ISTP - "I can make anything work"

ENTP - "I can come up with a solution for anything"

INTP - "I'm brilliant and you'd better bow to my genius"

ESTJ - "I am in control"

ISTJ - "I do everything right"

ENTJ - "I am all-powerful"

INTJ - "I am all-knowing"

ESFP - "I am the most glamorous"

ISFP - "Nobody has better taste than I do"

ENFP - "I have the most enthusiasm"